The Confessions of a Reluctant Church Planter's Wife: Part Two

Part Two: When You Think God Picked Wrong

We're over a month into our new lives here and it's less unfamiliar and just different now. I don't have to use my GPS as much to find places, but there's still that occasional time when I have no idea how to get somewhere.

Lots of change has happened this week. My kids started school at our neighborhood school, Lopez Elementary.

John Owen was so excited and nervous for his first day that he woke up super early yesterday. We're praying he has a full year of learning and being challenged. So far, I really like their school. It's not the school we originally planned to send them, but I'm thankful we chose our neighborhood school over the charter school. One, we're a two minute walk from the school. I can see it from my driveway. Two, it's helped us meet so many people in our neighborhood that we probably wouldn't have met if we'd gone to the charter school. 

His teacher is incredible. She has the perfect temperament for my John boy. She even came up to him this morning and hugged him. She took notice of how he was doing yesterday and even paid attention to whether he was making friends or not. I think I like her. : )

James started half-day kindergarten today. Colorado only offers free half-day kindergarten. If you want full day, you have to pay several thousand dollars. We opted for the free half-day, which will probably be what's best for this "king of the afternoon nap" boy. James doesn't take naps; naps take him! 

He was nervous and scared this morning. He talked a little about his old school and how this school is different. Change really does a number on him. From the moment we brought him home, he has found great comfort in just being home and being with Zack or me. As I've prayed through this past month of our move here and thought about how hard James has struggled with it, I've wondered if part, and not all, of what God is doing in his little heart, is showing him how He keeps showing up even when our location and the things that bring us comfort go away or change. James always loved being home. If you asked him where he wanted to go, he'd always say "home". Our new house hasn't felt like "home" to him, or me either for that matter, so it's been a tough transition.  It's not an easy lesson to see your child go through, but isn't God kind to work in my baby SOT's heart?! 

I can't say enough wonderful things about James' kindergarten teacher. She is AHH-MAZING! She even wrote down "from Kentucky" next to his name on her roll, so she'd remember to pay attention in case he was having a hard time. :) I'm not going to lie; when she told me that, I teared up a little.

I've thought a lot that God made a mistake when He picked us to come here. It's all felt so overwhelming and quite honestly, impossible at times. Most mornings I've started the day telling God that He picked wrong when He picked me to come. I wonder if Joshua thought the same thing when it was his time to take Moses' place as leader of the Israelites? Did he think, "I'm not the right guy?" Maybe...and maybe not, but what I do know is that God is faithful and He is enough. Nothing is impossible with Him. No matter how I'm feeling about God's choosing me, I cannot deny that He's moved mountains and parted seas to get us here. Even as we're here, He's making our paths straight. 

Thank you for praying for us. For all of you "rope holders", your job is so, so, so important. Your prayers are our lifeline. God is hearing them and answering them, so keep them coming.

The Confessions of a Reluctant Church Planter's Wife

Part One: The Beginning of New

I've often wondered how Sarah felt when God called Abraham to follow him and leave everything. At first, God gave them no direction except to follow him. Did she go with excitement and exuberance? Or did she think it was the craziest idea she'd ever heard? Did she mourn the family and friends she left behind? Or was she shaking their dust off her sandal-straps? Was she a little reluctant in her heart even if she never verbalized it? Or a lot reluctant? I don't know the answer to my questions because scripture doesn't say, but what I do know is she went wherever, whenever, every. single. time.

What I do know is that I'm no Sarah. Throughout this process of moving across the country, I've struggled with the realities of my own heart. Before we left Frankfort, I thought I knew the main issues and idols that God was sloughing off, but then we arrived at 4001 Moss Creek Drive and reality set in. I realized that for so long, I'd thought I loved Jesus. I thought I'd been open and submitted to wherever.  I even thought I found my hope and trust in Him--that He was my rock, but then I woke up on a Saturday morning in Fort Collins, Colorado and realized that none of those things had really been true.

These past four weeks have been some of the most painful for me, mostly because the Lord has used them to show me how much I had trusted in my own abilities and power and how little I had really relied upon Him. More importantly, and this is a biggie, He's shown me just how much I've loved other things, other people, places more than I've loved Him. What a jarring and painful realization to come to! It is the Lord's kindness to show me the uglies in my  heart---even if it is oh so painful!

I know God brought us here to plant a church. Every day I live in this city, I'm more acutely aware of the need for a church that preaches and teaches the gospel. I know He is doing a work here and we get to be a part of it, but God brought me here to show me Himself. To teach me that He really is enough. Period. No caveat. No exceptions. Just Him. He's enough. When my baby boy is struggling with homesickness, crying, pitching a fit and I look around for some way to make it better, He reminds me that this was His idea and He's doing a work inside of my youngest that even I don't understand and I don't have to give my approval for it to happen. I just have to get out of the way and pray.

The beauty of the mountains does not replace the beauty of the relationships God blessed us with in Frankfort. God gave me a beautiful life in my Old Kentucky Home. It's only right that I give it back to Him, that I go, even if I feel a little (or a lot) reluctant in my heart. You see, to do anything else would be to make an idol of it. So here I am, a thousand plus miles away from that beautiful life in a place where nothing is familiar, BUT GOD... He does not change and is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I know that even as painful as the sloughing off is, God is doing a better work inside of me. He really is enough. Even if I never make a true friend here, if the unfamiliar never becomes familiar, if I always feel like an outsider, He is enough. Maybe that's what Sarah understood. Maybe that's what she hoped in and found her hope to be in the only everlasting Rock.