Epiphanies and Bedtimes

I've had a few epiphanies lately. One is that I'm an exaggerator. I big one. (I'm not exaggerating there.) I'm addicted to funny and like to tell stories in such a way to elicit a laugh or two or three. My last three posts are evidence of this issue. I hope you laugh and don't take me so seriously. I realize I could seem quite crazy. (But isn't everyone a little crazy?)

Secondly, I epiphanied (this isn't a word, but it sounds funnier than "realized") something about sweet baby James. I'm apparently stupid or didn't really pay attention when I was reading all those adoption books because I feel this is something I should have figured out a while ago, but it took a friend who's also adopted just telling me her "first year home" experience to epiphany this. Are you ready for it?!!

James struggles with insecurity. No brainer I know, but sometimes and by sometimes I really mean a lot of the time, I forget. Yep, I forget that he struggles because he doesn't always seem to.

But then something in our daily routine changes, like his dad leaving in the early morning hours one day and not being there. He has no way of using words to explain that this has caused him to distress.

And I didn't really pick up on why he was "acting out" until last night. I went for a run with my running buddy and left my boys at her house with her husband and daughter. I was gone a little over an hour and when I got back, sweet baby James was fussy, irritable, and distant. It was almost like the littlest thing upset him. And then it hit me that he was struggling probably with feeling like I wasn't coming back. 

Of course he'd struggle with this because this is all he knows of people, except for these past four months.

So that's my epiphany. I feel thankful for friends who share their stories and don't just sugar-coat things. Things really can't always be rainbows and butterflies and it really helps when people just "tell it like it is." So I'm thankful for this little insight that will help me reassure this sweet boy that I'm not going anywhere. I'm forever!

And now on to bedtimes. I love bedtime this week. I've bumped it up a little and get almost giddy with excitement when it's close. I don't do anything exciting once the boys go to bed, but it's nice to sit in sweet solitude and just have a complete thought.

Have a great weekend friends! Thanks for reading!