Delectable Thought

Of course it's that time of year to think about giving and yes, getting. (Who doesn't like to receive something?) This year I've taken a new approach to gifting--making my own. I've been having a lot of fun, probably too much. I can't say I've created these incredibles products that are just going to WOW my family and friends, but I have had a lot of fun and taken a lot of time with them. I'm thankful that I can do this. And I can do this because I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm thankful I'm a stay-at-home mom and wife because everything I do at home isn't just for that little boy who's been in "time out" a lot lately. : ) This year I'm thankful we aren't traveling during Thanksgiving. I will miss both of our families dearly. I mean dearly! But, It's been quite the year, especially the last few months. It's nice to just stay home and refuel. This morning I was remembering the day I found out I was pregnant. It wa...

John Owen is a sponge--he's soaking up so many things. He's learned the sign for "more" and seems to have a great time making it. He thinks it's a game and sometimes really means "more" when he makes it. He doesn't cry when he goes to nursery at church.  He never really cried long before, just a few seconds, but now he just goes in like a big 'ole boy. It's exciting and a little sad too. They grow up so fast--it's like I'm blinking my eyes and he's becoming this little boy and not a baby anymore. The other day someone asked about my children. I said, "Yes, I have a little boy. He's fourteen months." I wanted to say and I have three other children, but they're not here with me. They've returned to their Creator. But that makes things awkward and people don't know what to say. Still I wish I could say it because it's how I feel; it's how I think. And sometimes I don't care that it'll make ...

Today...John Owen experienced his first structured, organized toddler class at BSF and... He Loved It! His cheeks were flush from all of his excitement when I picked him up afterwards. Delightful. It was also my first day at BSF and I have to say it was a great day! I've never been in a Bible study like this and I think I'm going to really like it. So what did I learn? It's funny how we can know a truth, but sometimes it takes someone saying it aloud for us to really latch on to it. That's what happened to me today. Someone said, "Is there anything in your life that God can't handle?" A pause. "Well, then what are you worried about?!" Seems simple, I know, but I do tend to worry about small things, like paying bills, clutter in my house, John Owen's sporadic eating habits, and death. Not my own death, but John Owen's, or Zack's, or another family members. But today I had to ask myself if I really believed that there was N...

Today is moving day...blog moving day that is. I hope you like this new one. I do. It's been crazy around our house. Both Zack and John Owen are sick. This is no fun, by the way. John Owen and I get to attend our first BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) class tomorrow. I'm super excited! I get to take family pictures for some very sweet friends of ours this afternoon. The weather is beautiful so I know it'll be a great time! I'll post some pictures later to let you know how they go.

Originally Published November 7, 2010 I was thinking life is very different for me. I used to be a teacher in a public school. Now, I'm not. That's weird to me. But it's kind of nice to not live my life according to a bell schedule. This January Zack and I will be married four years. Doesn't seem like it. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday that we got married (and then got very sick) and then sometimes it seems like we've always been together. (I know you can relate.) And then I think about the month of May and how different I was then. I looked at life differently. Had a different perspective. I think things used to frustrate me more then and now those things don't seem to bother me. A lot of things that used to be so important, just aren't anymore. For example, I used to care that my kitchen stayed dirty. Now, I'm thankful I have people to get my floor dirty. I used to care that my house was cluttered. Now, I'm glad it's clutt...

Originally published November 1, 2010 My lion. Trick or Treating in the neighborhood. He has a Reeses in his hand. Visiting the Arrastias. Visiting the Caseys. This Halloween we took our lion around to visit some friends. I have a few pictures above. We started at the Caseys'--His BB and KK and then headed over to the Brewers, but I don't have a pictures, finishing up at the Arrastias'.  All three families are sweet blessings to us and have helped us in countless ways. The lion costume will be retired and we'll see what the future brings. Saturday, October 30 marked ONE month since we lost Ella Grace. You know how when someone leaves this earth, it takes a while to adjust to their not being here? It's like you have to find a new "normal". Even though Ella Grace never lived on this earth, we still have to adjust to not having her. I know there are many like me (those women whose babies never lived on this earth or only breathed a few breaths befo...

Originally published October 29, 2010 The Photo Collage on my wall is almost complete. I'm lacking a few pictures and then it'll be done. (Well, it'll probably never be  done . I'll always change things up.) Here's a picture of it so far. And here's a picture of a centerpiece that I made. Not too bad for my first try. All this crafting has been done in-between keeping up with John Owen. He's a walker now so life is more fast paced. He usually likes to be wherever I am, but every now and then he'll take off exploring throughout the house. I'm still working on finding a way to reproduce Ella Grace's footprints in a creative way.  The rubber stamp hasn't worked out for us, yet. I'm still hopeful, but not counting on it. I'm looking into making a canvas, but they all seem to be pretty expensive, so we'll see how it goes. It's funny because once I scanned them, it makes them seem a lot bigger than what they really are. ...

Originally published October 20, 2010 This is the shadow box that I bought at  Hobby Lobby  (on SALE--fifty percent off!). I put a few of the things that I have of hers. I'm not sure I  Love  it, so it might change before it goes on the wall. Thanks to my friend Candace (no last names because it's the internet). She posted a crafting blog and I've gotten into crafting. I'm presently working on a faux window collage (with Zack's help of course) and a black and white photo collage for my dining room. I'll post pictures later. Life goes on--doesn't it!

Originally published October 19, 2010 Two truths and a Lie--it's a game I've played with middle school students to break the ice or help us get to know each other. My truths: I had a daughter--she died. God's ways are better than my ways. My Lie: Life is back to normal. One of the things I've always noticed about death is that life always goes on. It's always seemed to me very odd that the world just keeps going, that people just keep going about their usual everyday lives when someone special has left this world. Now, I don't think it should be any other way. There are many examples in the Bible of Jesus telling people to basically let the dead bury the dead. That statement seems so radical to us and an unfamiliar sentiment to think "Let the dead bury the dead." Well, for one how can a dead person bury a dead person?! But I think what he meant, or at least part of what he meant is that we can't be bogged down in  this  life or the things...

Originally published October 13, 2010 Well...We've just returned from our trip to Georgia and Virginia to see our families. While we were in Georgia we got to attend the Georgia-Tennessee game--my first time "between the hedges." I was ridiculously excited and had no expectations that the Bulldogs would win, BUT THEY DID!!!!! As we made our way to the stadium, I couldn't help thinking about our journey and Ella Grace.  One of the things we were going to do with her was go to the football game.  I thought about her while we were there, but I was comforted by the knowledge that God's plans are always best. It's amazing the peace that Zack and I have felt during this time. I can't say we haven't hurt and still don't some days. I can't say we don't think about her and wonder. While we were in Georgia, our friends, Camran and Erin had their third child--a little girl. They already have two boys so we were all delighting in the fact that G...

Originally published October 5, 2010 These are the footprints that my nurse took of Ella Grace's feet. You can see she was trying hard to get good prints before she printed the birth certificate. Her birth certificate. And the back of her certificate with her footprints. Our sweet friends have found a website that makes rubber stamps out of personal images, so the plan is to send a scanned copy of her footprints and then hopefully get a stamp that we can use to do different things with. I hope it works.  I think I'll make a thousand copies of these prints.  Is it weird that I want to always have a copy with me?  Lol. Am I  that  person? Sometimes I am jealous of my nurse because she got to hold Ella Grace and I didn't.  But then I think of how sweet my nurse was to me and how hard she worked to get those prints and just how much they mean to me. Zack and I both felt like Ella Grace was a gift to us, even though we knew she was going to die and as h...

Originally published October 4, 2010 I woke up early September 30th--really early.  I couldn't sleep because I was in pain from the laminaries and I just kept thinking about all the things I needed to do before I went to the hospital.  So I just got up and fixed a bunch of food for John Owen to eat while we were gone. When Zack and I arrived at Central Baptist we went on a wild goose chase just to find the place we were supposed to be. We started in Labor and Delivery, which is where we went two years ago for our D & E, but the woman was convinced they didn't do those in labor and delivery. Eventually we did return to labor and delivery. In the process we met our pastor's wife, who had just seen her son, daughter-in-law and new granddaughter off. They got us settled in a room and the nurse came in a started prepping me for the surgery.  As she was getting things ready, she mentioned that some people chose to do footprints.  I hadn't realized this was an option ...

Originally published September 29, 2010 This Day... We visited the doctor for a check-up and he couldn't find a heartbeat. We then had an ultrasound.  We waited as the ultrasound tech searched for a heartbeat. The baby was curled in a little ball, so it was difficult to get a good picture. She found the spot where the heart was and then turned on the volume... Only the hollow sound of the ultrasound machine could be heard. It is a sad sound. BUT this is what God ordained and He knows best. We trust and accept God's plans and will. Our sweet ultrasound tech worked very hard to get good pictures for us, noting her fingers and toes and arm and leg.  I feel very blessed to have these. God is good. Our next step was to choose between inducing labor and delivering or having a D & E ( won't explain this procedure; if you're interested, you can Google it.)  My ob advised a D & E because of my previous c-section scar and he wants to protect my uterus.  I was ...

Originally published September 28, 2010 Zack. My opposite. He is blessed with the ability to have a conversation with ANYONE. I am not. I have to speak about him because he will never tell his story in words on a blog. His story will be told though through the life he's living. For now, I must share what I know of his heart in this journey. He perseveres with joy.  He adheres to the word of God and trusts completely. He laughs at my moodiness. Wipes my tears and lets me be sad some days or allows me to go off by myself to just think. He is giving. He thinks of me before himself and sacrifices his desires for mine and John Owen's. Some may think that this journey is harder for me because I have the honor of carrying Ella Grace in my womb. But you are mistaken. You see, I see the pained look in his eyes sometimes or see him pouring over the Word searching for God's truth and promises. Most of all, I see him continuing--continuing to live, continuing to preach, cont...

Originally published September 27, 2010 I'm blessed. Rejoicing in the blessing of this journey and our Great God hasn't been a challenge at all. It's been almost effortless.  I know it's because of God's grace and peace; it's not anything that I do. I say almost effortless because there are times that I feel a cloak of sadness come over me when I think of how this journey might end if God doesn't heal her.  But God is faithful and provides the strength to push off the cloak and rest in Him. I think that Zack and I are in a really sweet place.  Today we went to Zack's favorite Mexican restaurant and I ordered two tacos. I normally get something "American" because I don't love Mexican food.  Zack laughed at me and said, "You're so pregnant."  We giggled over my crazy cravings and I thought, I am pregnant. Even though God's grace is sufficient, I do think that we aren't always immune to the disease of Bittersweetne...

Originally published September 20, 2010 "All of a sudden I'm unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me." DCB I have a playlist. I have many playlists, but this one is special. It's untitled. All the songs reflect God's glory. One song in particular, David Crowder's "How He Loves" is one that I hear daily. The line above struck me yesterday as significant. I am eclipsed by glory.  Through this journey I'm realizing how beautiful God is and  just how  much  He loves me.  What knowledge?! Costly, but priceless.  I don't wish bad things upon any of you, but I wish you could know what I know every day. I wonder if you know God. If you know that His word is true--that His promises aren't empty. They are true--that His grace is MORE than sufficient. Sometimes I think how crazy it is that I'm talking about the things I'm talking about--memorial ser...

Originally published September 15, 2010 I want to update you on Brooke, the young woman I posted about Saturday.  Her son, Briar was born September 13 and passed away as he was born. Her blog post is beautiful. I imagine her hurt (because I imagine what mine will be like if God chooses not to heal Ella Grace); I imagine her sorrow, as I imagine my own. But tonight I'm going to imagine God's Grace pouring over her and her husband because I know it's real. I feel it everyday.  As you pray for us, pray for her and others like her. And as you pray and sorrow with those whose children have passed, imagine God's incredible grace and glory in it. I know I am. Praise Him for this opportunity. Praise Him for this pain. Just Praise Him because He is God. Here's the link to her blog again. Take some time to check it out and pray for her and her family. www.polkadotsandricrac.blogspot.com

Originally published September 11, 2010 A friend from church shared the link to the blog of a friend of his family's. She is also carrying a baby who is anencephalic.  I was recently notified that she is in the hospital and will most likely deliver her baby boy today.  I have joyed in reading her blog because she, too has chosen to find great joy in her pregnancy. BUT now her day of mourning is coming, much like ours will most likely come one day. Please, please, please lift her up to the Savior. I know His grace is sufficient and He will be there with her and her family. I grieve with her today for her loss and I Praise God with her that she was given this opportunity. Check out her blog if you have time. If you don't make a little time just to know how best to pray for her and her family. www.polkadotsandricrac.blogspot.com In His Grip, J

This is John Owen in his Little Tikes car! I guess he's pondering life or maybe just enjoying the afternoon. Now, this is just precious! My men! First, I have to tell you all that Zack was able to feel Ella Grace move last night. It's probably early for that since we are only sixteen weeks, but what a blessing that he has felt her already! God is sweet! We have had such a good time with John Owen this week. A sweet family gave us a Little Tikes car and he's enjoyed it so much. It has occupied him for at least 45 minutes everyday. I'm including some pictures so you can see just how much fun he's having. Zack and I have begun Part One of Planning for Ella Grace. These next five months are our "Joy Months" because we are going to choose to rejoice in Ella Grace's life. It's such a blessing to have her even if for a short time. She's already watched some college football and eaten at Cracker Barrel. In October we hope to take her to her first G...

Originally published September 6, 2010 I found this exceptional website tonight and wanted to share it with everyone. It has a ton of information about anencephaly and even has pictures and stories from parents who all chose to carry their babies to term instead of terminating. The pictures aren't too graphic, but use caution if your small children are around.  I'm most excited about the links to pages explaining how to create memory keepsakes! What a great God we serve that He allows me to find joy in being able to prepare a little for my Ella Grace. I am truly blessed. He is truly Great! http://www.anencephalie-info.org/e/index.php On a side note, every time I write a post and click the spell check it always tells me that anencephaly is spelled incorrectly.  I have to laugh at the absurdity. Even the silly computer thinks it's a deformity.

Originally published September 5, 2010 Psalm 56:8: "You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" Psalm 56:10-11: "In god, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid..." Today we celebrated John Owen's first birthday. His birthday is actually August 31st. There were lots of friends, gifts, and food. What a blessing to share in this celebration with such sweet, kind people. I've included some pictures from the celebration so you could see just how blessed we were. Can you see him peeking over the bag?  He was surrounded by his loot! I traveled to Mt. Washington Friday evening to visit with friends. As I drove there I meditated on our present journey.  Since August 23rd, my way of coping had been to stay busy. Every day I had risen from bed and sought out tasks to keep my mind occupied. My plan had been to continue this way until this Ella Grace was born. I ha...

Originally Published September 2, 2010 Monday, August 23, 2010. Zack and I visited the perinatal clinic for a "just to be sure everything's o.k." ultrasound. I had already had two normal ultrasounds and at fourteen weeks thought I was not in danger of losing this baby.  From the start of the day, things were off. We got up late, got to the clinic late, there was only one doctor working. And then...Immediately the ultrasound tech knew something was wrong, though she put on a good show for us. She paged the only doctor working at the clinic and he came immediately to let me know in no uncertain terms, that my baby would not live once it was born. He spouted off a lot of medical terms and possibilities, none of which I remembered. I came away from that appointment knowing only that my baby would die and that as the doctor said, "This is much worse than Down Syndrome." The doctor left us alone in the room to process the news and as Zack held me while I cried and m...

Originally published September 27, 2008 He is kind. He is loving. He is reliable. He is present. He is funny. He is cute. He is late, sometimes. He is good. He is Godly. He is mine.

Originally published September 29, 2008 Time is not tangible.  It cannot be touched. Held. Experienced. Stopped.  Not even with a stopwatch.  The click of the button doesn't end the minute you were calculating.  Our clocks. Our wristwatches. Our Rolexes. Timexes.  They are our attempt to capture sixty seconds, sixty minutes, sixty hours--our life.  But all in vain.  6:10 p.m. to me is not 6:10 p.m. to you or to Bob next door or even to Shelly six states away or Ming a continent away. Our life is captured in events, happenings, memories--but only for a short while. No really it's captured in deeds--in our legacy.  As much as we try to keep up with the times, what will really matter is what was left behind. And then only for the duration of this world.  Time should not be kept, but spent. Spent well with purpose and intention. We should live intentionally. Purposefully we should spend our allotted time well. Unabashedly, fearlessly we sho...

Originally published September 6, 2008   I wanted to see the world.  I wanted to be where all the people were.  Those were the two singular desires of my heart when I was a child.  They shifted through my body, at times becoming an ache, at others an excitement of what the future held.  I was twelve and I wanted to be many things.    Twenty years later I've done many things, been to many places. But it is not the things that I've done and the places I've been that have defined me.  It is the trials I've experienced that have molded me into who I am today.   I know God is Sovereign.  I understand that He is the author of life, thus He has the right to give it and to take it.  I know His ways are better than mine.  He has poured blessings upon my life.  He has allowed me to fulfill the dreams I had as a twelve year old girl--I've traveled to many beautiful places, had many good friends, done many things in my li...

I've decided to move my blog. With this new blog I can exercise my creativity and add a lot of (hopefully) cool things. Hope you enjoy and it's not too much of an inconvenience.