Originally published October 4, 2010
I woke up early September 30th--really early. I couldn't sleep because I was in pain from the laminaries and I just kept thinking about all the things I needed to do before I went to the hospital. So I just got up and fixed a bunch of food for John Owen to eat while we were gone. When Zack and I arrived at Central Baptist we went on a wild goose chase just to find the place we were supposed to be. We started in Labor and Delivery, which is where we went two years ago for our D & E, but the woman was convinced they didn't do those in labor and delivery. Eventually we did return to labor and delivery. In the process we met our pastor's wife, who had just seen her son, daughter-in-law and new granddaughter off.
They got us settled in a room and the nurse came in a started prepping me for the surgery. As she was getting things ready, she mentioned that some people chose to do footprints. I hadn't realized this was an option and we asked her if we could do that. She said she'd try really hard, but could make no promises.
I remember thinking, Lord please let us get footprints. Those footprints were so important to me. Maybe I needed them to make it all real, to just have something tangible.
I woke up a few hours later in recovery and before I opened my eyes I could hear the nurse talking to Zack about the footprints and asking him if he knew it was a girl.
And then I heard her ask him what we named her. I thought she was just being kind at first, but when we got back to the room, Zack handed me Ella Grace's birth certificate with her little footprints.
I remember thanking God that even in this time He was merciful to me. Not only did we get footprints, but a birth certificate too!
That's the story, the details of how it happened.
Now...
We mourn.
I wish... I wish a lot of things, but I wish I had had longer.
I knew she was going to die, but I wasn't quite ready for it. Maybe we never are ready for it. Death isn't how things are supposed to be. Man's sin introduced it into the world.
But there is comfort.
I know that everything happened as God wanted. And I know it is best. This is hard because in my heart, I want her back. I want longer, but I know this isn't what I NEED.
As I've said before, we think we know what is best, but God's way is best.
We trust that. There is an emptiness. There is a sadness.
But it will not last. We know this and trust God's word, which tells us that our mourning will become rejoicing.
I am thankful for the time we had. I am thankful for the sweet mercies the Lord has shown us.
I just thankful that I serve a God who is mighty, merciful, gracious, and loving.
I know for some people, Ella Grace wasn't even a life yet. But she was real to us and I have the footprints to prove it.
I know most of you understand grief. You are familiar with mourning.
We covet your prayers.
We appreciate your support.
We love you all.
I woke up early September 30th--really early. I couldn't sleep because I was in pain from the laminaries and I just kept thinking about all the things I needed to do before I went to the hospital. So I just got up and fixed a bunch of food for John Owen to eat while we were gone. When Zack and I arrived at Central Baptist we went on a wild goose chase just to find the place we were supposed to be. We started in Labor and Delivery, which is where we went two years ago for our D & E, but the woman was convinced they didn't do those in labor and delivery. Eventually we did return to labor and delivery. In the process we met our pastor's wife, who had just seen her son, daughter-in-law and new granddaughter off.
They got us settled in a room and the nurse came in a started prepping me for the surgery. As she was getting things ready, she mentioned that some people chose to do footprints. I hadn't realized this was an option and we asked her if we could do that. She said she'd try really hard, but could make no promises.
I remember thinking, Lord please let us get footprints. Those footprints were so important to me. Maybe I needed them to make it all real, to just have something tangible.
I woke up a few hours later in recovery and before I opened my eyes I could hear the nurse talking to Zack about the footprints and asking him if he knew it was a girl.
And then I heard her ask him what we named her. I thought she was just being kind at first, but when we got back to the room, Zack handed me Ella Grace's birth certificate with her little footprints.
I remember thanking God that even in this time He was merciful to me. Not only did we get footprints, but a birth certificate too!
That's the story, the details of how it happened.
Now...
We mourn.
I wish... I wish a lot of things, but I wish I had had longer.
I knew she was going to die, but I wasn't quite ready for it. Maybe we never are ready for it. Death isn't how things are supposed to be. Man's sin introduced it into the world.
But there is comfort.
I know that everything happened as God wanted. And I know it is best. This is hard because in my heart, I want her back. I want longer, but I know this isn't what I NEED.
As I've said before, we think we know what is best, but God's way is best.
We trust that. There is an emptiness. There is a sadness.
But it will not last. We know this and trust God's word, which tells us that our mourning will become rejoicing.
I am thankful for the time we had. I am thankful for the sweet mercies the Lord has shown us.
I just thankful that I serve a God who is mighty, merciful, gracious, and loving.
I know for some people, Ella Grace wasn't even a life yet. But she was real to us and I have the footprints to prove it.
I know most of you understand grief. You are familiar with mourning.
We covet your prayers.
We appreciate your support.
We love you all.
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