Tuesday, November 9, 2010

New Beginnings

Originally published October 13, 2010
Well...We've just returned from our trip to Georgia and Virginia to see our families.
While we were in Georgia we got to attend the Georgia-Tennessee game--my first time "between the hedges." I was ridiculously excited and had no expectations that the Bulldogs would win, BUT THEY DID!!!!!
As we made our way to the stadium, I couldn't help thinking about our journey and Ella Grace.  One of the things we were going to do with her was go to the football game.  I thought about her while we were there, but I was comforted by the knowledge that God's plans are always best.
It's amazing the peace that Zack and I have felt during this time.
I can't say we haven't hurt and still don't some days.
I can't say we don't think about her and wonder.
While we were in Georgia, our friends, Camran and Erin had their third child--a little girl. They already have two boys so we were all delighting in the fact that God had given them a little girl. Zack and I had the opportunity to see them a few hours after their daughter was born (this is because they are very gracious and allowed us to come to the hospital to visit even though they were exhausted). As we took turns holding their tiny daughter, we both felt a sting, a twinge of "I wish". And then our "I wish" turned to "I can't wait until we have another baby".
In those times, we both think of Ella Grace and we miss her in different ways. I miss having her in my womb, feeling her flutter, knowing she's there. Zack misses what could have been--holding her, singing to her, watching her dance and play with her brother.
But then the grace and peace of God washes over us from our heads to our toes and we bask in His glory. In those times I feel more loved and cherished by God than I ever have before.
What a blessing that God allowed us to be in Georgia when our friends daughter was born. It was in a way a salve to our souls to be a part of it, to be able to buy girl clothes for her (do you see the sweetness of God in that?).
Maybe you wonder if we aren't bothered by other people's babies. Or it's too painful to be near people who have daughters or even to step into a baby store and buy little girl clothes.
I can't tell you that we don't feel a sting or a twinge.
BUT I can tell you that the joy we feel for our God and Savior and the joy we feel for our friends and even for strangers who have little babies ECLIPSES any pain or longing we have.
Our God is Great.
Our God is Mighty.
We love you all so much! Thank you for your prayers and for the outpouring of love through cards and food and hugs!

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